carousel

as i was cleaning my glasses on another quiet day with my solitude

the carousel stopped abruptly at your face

with you smiling at that restaurant i forget the name of with your eyes on me

i forget the eyes too: they were big and contained dreams

what was your name again?

i do not remember the year too.

i forget the city’s name.

but yes, the smile.

“that is it; the past and the future from that moment is inconsequential

you are happy in this moment.

you will be happy in this moment forever.

your smile reaches your eyes.

the happiness is forever.

remember that and live.

the arguments and whataboutery belittles that smile.

that smile is above us.“, i plead as if you are in front of me.

i raise my hands in my dramatic stance as if that will change anything now.

the past is a hell of a drug

we feel like we can go back in it and change the course forever

ah,

the carousel is operational again

and the face is gone.

i don’t remember it now;

my memory moves on.

this carousel has become slower and with time of lower quality

that is expected: it is my memories after all.

sometimes it skips moments clean off and other times stays on them for days

and i have carried these for the last 80 years of my life.

i may not remember you at all

i do not know whether you are alive or not

married or not; happy or not

but i remember i made you happy once

and that makes me happy now.

and i faintly remember that smile

as i pour myself a cup of coffee with shaking hands and wasted muscles,

wrinkled, old, with a forearm that contains a faded wrist tattoo made 55 years ago;

and oh, yes, the smile,

and me being a cause of it makes me smile.

just for a moment…. before i forget again.